My LGBT Journey

In this post I recount my experiences with the LGBT community in recent years and explain how I really have been on a LGBT journey of my own. 



It is now the week after Newry Pride Week and I am filled with admiration and respect for the local Newry Rainbow Community (NRC) and the Pride in Newry organising committee. What a fantastic job they have done over the last decade in representing the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender (LGBT) voice in the community and organising the vibrant Pride parade, festival and ball. It can be argued that now Newry is the safest and most welcoming it has ever been for the LGBT community. That said, the 2016 events were marred by the despicable attack on five NRC committee members outside Cobbles Bar in the early hours of Sunday morning. This incident is rare but demonstrates that much more work is needed in order to tackle homophobia, transphobia and general prejudice towards the LGBT community in the Newry area.  

For me, Saturday night at the Pride Ball was a significant personal moment. Being there was a major milestone on my own LGBT journey - a journey that has enriched my life so much over these past five years.

I can trace this journey back to at least 2011 when I first started studying History and Politics at Queen's University, Belfast. Back then, I was, what Americans consider to be, a 'frat boy' - a young macho adolescent fuelled with testosterone who was mostly concerned with how many girls he could kiss in one night out. I do not regret being that kind of person at that time but I do regret the homophobic side of me. I felt very uncomfortable around LGBT people and I mistakenly believed that homosexuality was completely unacceptable. The transgender identity was not even on my radar at the time. At parties in first-year undergraduate accommodation some of my friends acted in an overtly camp manner in order to irritate me further.

This continued into the following academic year as well when I was living with Newry friends in Belfast and I became aggressive with LGBT folks who were invited to stay over for nights out. I remember an ex-girlfriend talking to me about this behaviour but I did not listen.

What I recognise as the watershed moment during this journey was being accepted onto the British Council NI's Study USA programme and gaining a place at Warren Wilson College (WWC) to study for a Certificate in American Business Practice.

WWC is a small liberal arts work college in Swannanoa, North Carolina that is focused on the triad - academics, work and service (volunteering in the community). Within a week of arriving on-campus in August 2013 I had been offered a place on the Service Program Office (SPO) crew after emailing the then Director of Student Engagement of my interest and attending a short interview with her. I accepted this offer and took up a position as one of the Food Security (Poverty) Policy Community Liaisons. In this role I provided leadership for the food security issue area as well as organised, promoted and facilitated community engagement activities such as weekly and monthly direct service trips and issue workshops.

During my time as a student and
Food Security Policy Community Liaison @ WWC, May 2014

WWC also has an active LGBT on-campus community comprising students, teachers and other college staff. Indeed, some LGBT folks were on my crew, worked on the SPO staff, mentored me as I made the transition from Belfast to life in rural western North Carolina and became really good colleagues and friends. One of these people was the Director of Student Engagement who had interviewed me a week after arriving. Through these folks I became more aware of the prejudice and discrimination faced by the LGBT community and became genuinely angered that my friends, classmates, teachers and colleagues were at the time constantly being denied the right to marry.

Protesting the so-called 'conscience clause' outside Newry Town Hall, February 2015.

Meeting my now fiancée Ashlyn Neas was also a pivotal moment for me. Ashlyn has been crucial in helping me better understand LGBT issues both during our time together at WWC and the period since. She is genuinely passionate about LGBT issues and will not fail to call me out when I approach something from a narrow-minded viewpoint. Thanks to Ashlyn I have been able to understand transgender identity and the concept of transitioning between genders through our conversations on the topic, her following of Ru Paul's Drag Race and her attending of drag shows in the United States.
Indeed, it was during a Ru Paul's Drag Race-themed birthday party this June I decided to dress up in drag after much contemplation and realising that I was in a safe environment in which to do it. While taking on the persona of 'Nasty Onassis' I realised that the concept of gender was mental and totally fluid. I was also helped in my decision-making by our friend Jake also 'dragging it up.' In my mind this reaffirmed the safety of the environment and made me comfortable knowing that I would be making my drag debut in the company of a straight male friend.

I am convinced that this positive experience at the party, my relationship with Ashlyn, my year at Warren Wilson College and full participation in Saturday's Newry Pride Parade, in addition to attending with my brother and friends, helped me to enjoy every aspect of the Newry Pride Ball on Saturday night and marked out the event as a milestone on my LGBT journey.

No-one can predict the future but I am confident that there are more self-enriching moments to come on my LGBT journey which will lead me to meet more wonderful people and fully understand the concepts of sexuality and gender identity. I look forward to all this and more. <3 <3 <3

My brother Matthew (right) and I at the Newry Pride Ball
on Saturday night past in Bellinis, Newry.